Cash Investors, Pie Crusts and Robot Agents

There is an acronym company doing business as a limited liability corporation and trying to buy homes in Sacramento as a cash-infused investor. There are undoubtedly many such companies and investors vying for homes in Sacramento. But this one in particular canceled an escrow because it didn’t do its due diligence upfront, so I’m wary about them. This particular company has also hired at least 3 different real estate agents in Sacramento to throw offers at the wall. I know this because I have received offers from 3 different agents representing the same company.

You know, not a day goes by, honestly, in which I don’t answer my phone and hear the words: I am a cash investor. I suspect the callers feel I should treat them differently than I would anybody else, but they’re in for a rude awakening. Just like I am a number to them, they are a number to me. I realize they have little vested interest in the property or in meeting the seller’s needs. They probably have not even seen the property. If the escrow demands a special consideration, they are unlikely to provide it. They are not special. Their cash is not “king” to me.

It seems like the REO robot agents are being replaced by the robot buyer’s agents. The tide has changed from robot listing agents who represent banks and asset managers of foreclosed homes to robot selling agents who represent cash investors. These guys comb MLS daily looking for new listings, writing offers, uploading the purchase offers to DocuSign and emailing those offers to listing agents. You throw enough at the wall, something is bound to stick.

As a Sacramento short sale agent, I have to look out for my seller’s interests and help them to choose the most motivated buyer to close their short sale. As a general rule, short sale banks don’t seem to like limited liability corporations (LLCs). I’m not sure why, either. It could be that an LLC is in-your-face about profit, versus a home owner who just wants a roof over her head. In any case, it’s hard to get excited over these cash offers. If push comes to shove, they don’t shove.

You know, short sales involve a lot of frustration. I dodge a lot of whipped cream pies in this business. Speaking of pies and throwing crap at the wall, I’d like to share a story with you. It involves a pie crust. Those of you who have never made a pie crust may perhaps find it difficult to believe that pie crusts do not live in your grocer’s freezer. Yes, you can actually make a pie crust at home out of flour, salt, shortening and water.

The trick is to not overwork the dough. If you massage it and roll it too many times, it will become tough and crumble. I was probably 7-years-old when I made my first pie crust. I thought I had followed the directions explicitly but I was having trouble. It wasn’t sticking together. I blamed it on my rolling pin. After I had rolled out the dough, I tried to fold it into quarters and lift on waxed paper to the pie tin, but it fell apart. I rolled it again. It crumbled again. In a split second of frustration, I hurled it at the wall.

Uh, oh. I could not believe I did that. I was horrified. My mother stopped what she was doing and stared at me. I was in big trouble, and I knew it. My heart started to pound. I might never get to bake again in the kitchen. I might go to bed without dessert. Maybe stand in the corner. But instead, my mother started to laugh. “That’s exactly where my first pie crust ended up,” she said.

Today, I make a perfect pie crust. And I’m a pretty darn good Sacramento short sale agent, too. Just don’t call and tell me you’re a cash investor, because I don’t care.