Whose Fault is Your Unhappiness?

The pursuit of happiness, an unalienable right offered to us in the Declaration of Independence, does not guarantee people won’t point fingers when they ponder the question: whose fault is your unhappiness. For starters, the Declaration of Independence does not provide a blueprint of where to find happiness or even that a person will ever become truly happy. Just that we all have the right to attempt to be happy, as long as we aren’t hurting anybody or breaking laws.

We can do pretty much what we want to do as long as it makes us happy. What I find is many people might not know what makes them happy. Never pondered that aspect of living. Maybe they never considered the state of happiness as something to obtain? Some also tend to believe they don’t deserve happiness. Not true. Everybody deserves bliss. Not surprisingly, the wickedly depraved often believe happiness is overrated, and they will tell you that, because they can’t achieve it.

People don’t like to think about the phrase whose fault is your unhappiness because it’s way too convenient to blame somebody else. Point the finger elsewhere. Make it all somebody else’s fault. There is always some other person or circumstance holding you back, right? Lots of excuses. Not enough money. Not enough time. Not smart enough. Not enough experience. People will object. Fear you will fail. Can’t, can’t, can’t is such a negative and defeatist attitude.

As gently as I can say this, that person holding you back is reflected in your bathroom mirror every time you step out of the shower.

Reminds me of a situation a few years ago. I had ordered a car built with all the options I wanted and exactly the way I desired it. Was very excited. Waited a long 6 months or so for delivery. When I got to the dealership, the car was missing an important option; they had messed up my order. So, it would take another 6 months to build another vehicle.

At least a good 30 days had gone by before I heard myself repeating whose fault is your unhappiness, Elizabeth? I had blamed the dealership for screwing up. That’s why I didn’t have a new car. In reality, that was an excuse to be unhappy. I did not deserve unhappiness. Did I really need a custom built vehicle or could I let go of that idea? What I needed was a new car, and the reason I did not have a new car was because of my attitude.

Instead of wallowing in whose fault is your unhappiness, which is a sorry state of affairs, I decided instead to comb a number of dealerships, found my dream car and bought it.

However, happiness is not directly tied to material objects. You absolutely do not need wealth. I made the long trip across the International Dateline to Vanuatu 5 years ago to check out what is billed as the Happiest Country on Earth. People danced to music in the streets. A maid at my resort took me to a Kava Bar in Tanoliu and then to her modest house to share a fresh coconut. Her village was still governed by a chief. They cooked meals over a fire pit outside and lived entirely off the land. Not an unhappy person in that group.

Happiness comes from not always embracing certainty. From pushing yourself to do things that are uncomfortable. The funny thing is once you experience the uncomfortableness of a new experience, it becomes comfortable.

Nobody else is in charge of running your life and pursuing happiness but you. Empower yourself to step outside of your usual boundaries. Amazing transformations will take place. I promise you.

Elizabeth Weintraub

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