If you really can’t stand the sound of kids squealing and screaming and enormously loud Texans hollering at each other, then a smaller boutique resort in Islamorada, Florida, might be perfect for your next vacation. Maybe it’s just me, but I grow increasingly uncomfortable when I am shoved into tiny hotel rooms where the TV doesn’t work, there are no robes and slippers, and room service always messes up breakfast. I much prefer a place where the manager stops by to introduce herself and mentions that our travel agent forced her to do it or else.
When asked if there is anything else she could do for us, I hesitated. Should I tell her that the surface of the floor in our main room is carpeted and would be dramatically improved if she would install engineered hardwood, such as perhaps hickory plank? That a moving walkway down to the beach would be lovely? Or, that I have no intention of wearing the life jackets she said the Coast Guard requires us to wear in order to go paddle boarding? I think not. Things would be different if I ran this resort in Islamorada.
Instead, we asked for an in-room coffee pot. Well, my husband requested it and then he blamed it on me. Which meant that I was now forced to come up with something else that she could do for us. I brought up the fact that our threshold to the bathroom is raised and not properly installed, leaving an inch-and-a-half drop onto the marble flooring in the bath — in other words, it is a toe-stubber. There is no smooth transition.
Even though I do feel that sheer curtains around the bed, since there is a frame for the curtains, would lend a certain amount of dramatic flair, I did not mention it. Lips zipped. Overall, the best words I can use to describe this Islamorada resort are uncomplicated, refined elegance. If you start to improve it too much, the ambience would vanish. Still, hardwood floors, gotta say. Would make this lovely resort in Islamorada all that more lovely.
While at the Green Turtle Inn last night sipping my Turtle Tini, which is decadence times 11: like a Snicker’s Bar with salted caramel and a combination of at least 3 creamy chocolate-laced liqueurs, I received a signed counter offer. You may wonder why I was checking my cell but it was all lit up to advise that Feastivus is awaiting me in Plants vs. Zombies. I love putting Sacramento homes into escrow.
Photos of a resort in Islamorada by Elizabeth Weintraub